Those hands
by IIvaII
Summary: This is a translation of karinarina s story "Руки, которые...". A one-shot story about a boy with grasping hands, who managed to touch everything he can, including Derek s heart. Bad ending warning.


Stiles`s hands are small, but grasping. Too bad Derek Hale realizes it only when the infant painfully squeezes his nose. He manfully bears it and slowly uncouples the little fist of five-month-old Stilinski. Hale is three, and he isn`t going to cry because of such nonsenses. Uncle Peter says to him: "Big boys don`t behave like this". But when Stiles squeezes Derek`s finger and then with, what looks like an evaluating glance, starts approaching it to his mouth, Derek does get scared. Who knows these infants and what they have on their mind – what if he wants to bite him. Hale snatches his hand and presses it to the chest, with round eyes watching, how baby Stilinski gets surprised at first, then starts grunting, and then finally bursts into loud cry. The adults quickly come on the loud noise, and Stiles keeps screaming and crying. Derek thinks to himself, that this child cannot behave himself as a big boy. Ne-ver.

Stiles is five years old, and his palms are all red from blood. New dark drops of blood keep coming from fresh scratches on his knees, all busted and dirty. The child sniffs, but tries his best not to show, that it hurts. Derek only sighs and takes out a medicine box. Again. If he only knew, that friendship of their parents would end up as a real nightmare for him, a nightmare of Stiles, he wouldn`t even approach the kid at their first meeting and try to avoid this little bundle of energy and noise as much as possible. But unfortunately he did approach the kid, and Stiles reached his hands towards Derek, and till now he keeps reaching for everything on his way. He always searches, explores and tries to catch, taste and break everything around him – a walking disaster.

At school Stiles constantly follows Derek around, and that really gets on the older boy`s nerves. The kid even signs up for the same classes and clubs as Derek does: basketball, baseball, wrestling. Even when Derek changes a hobby and switch to a different club – Stiles is right behind him – omnipresent little brat.

They never meet at wrestling fights – too different weight categories, Stilinski is fourteen, he is short and skinny, especially compared to Derek. That`s why Derek successfully avoids getting involved in Stiles`s training, but only until a moment, when his Dad brings the kid straight to their home. «You know, since he has chosen you as a friend, now he is your responsibility», - and points at the kid`s busted knuckles, whereat goes to another room, leaving droopy Stiles and astonished Derek alone. «Damn it», - thinks Hale.

Only when Derek starts training Stiles, he notices, that he has been underestimating the kid all these years. Even if Stilinski has a pretty low sportsmanship, innate awkwardness in all his body and absolute zero of concentration, he is a fine strategist and can in a second calculate a technique of his opponent`s attacks. And his hands are stronger than they seem, since he manages to stretch Derek several times.

Derek feels a little proud of the boy: despite his still weak constitution, the kid does his best and tries his hardest to study and train at the Police Academy alongside other students. Stiles`s hands always smell of gunpowder, because he often spends time at a shooting-range. Maybe his physical fit is still far from perfect, but he has become quite an experienced shooter, the second in the whole Academy, after Hale. But Derek cannot imagine, how Stiles kills a man with those hands, the same little Stiles, who squeezed Derek`s nose with his little fingers, and then held his leg, making first steps…

Nevertheless, later Derek gets a change to imagine that, a little later. Derek has been working at sheriff Stilinski`s command for several years now, and Stiles spent some time "looking for his place in the world" after his graduation and only now has returned to Beacon Hills. Knowing the kid`s character, everyone tries to keep him away from serious cases, but even with that Stiles manages to get into troubles. Just as usual. One time Stiles takes off on a call faster than everyone else and he has to kill a man. Yes, for self-defense, but this under-excuse does not ease the burden of guilt on the shoulders of young Stilinski.

«The finder just slipped on the trigger, automatically», - he whispers, not even trying to escape Derek`s strong embrace. Stiles`s hands are shaking, and his face is as white as a sheet. When Hale walks him home (John has stayed to write a report), the boy runs to the bathroom and spends there almost an hour. Derek knows that feeling, when it`s like you cannot wash away someone`s blood of your hands and body. How is that even possible, when a single drop has never touched your skin?

"You did everything right" from Derek still doesn`t work even hours/days/weeks later.

* * *

Stiles`s palms are all covered in flour and he laughs as if nothing bad has ever happened. Years pass, and Stilinski is still the same walking disaster, even in every-day matters: he drops pots, spits water from a glass and as bonus sprinkles flour on the kitchen. But Derek doesn`t get angry. He has forgotten how to be angry at Stiles long ago, he`s got used to the constant presence of the dark-eyed monster in his life. And perhaps… has got attached?

Stiles`s palms are warm and soft, and his embrace is hundredfold better than all these pitiful looks and comforting "it`s going to be fine". It doesn`t get fine after his whole family has been burned alive in that fire. But a friend`s strong hand on Derek`s shoulder, a hand, which doesn`t let him give up and fall, it still gives him hope at least for "ok".

Stiles with his awkwardness and these grasping hands – God! He literally hits everything, he can reach with those hands! – is becoming a sound part of Derek`s life. Before, when Derek was surrounded by a large family, he didn't notice, how much time Stilinski spends among them. Now there are only uncle Peter and Stiles, who, as it turned out, was always a part of his family. Always beside, even when pushed away.

Living with Stiles is easy, they needed to move in together. Hale couldn`t state being alone in an empty and unsettled loft any longer, and Stilinski wanted to start living by himself, gain his pretended freedom from the parent`s bonds, so that`s it. One day they were watching a movie on Stiles`s notebook and in a next moment they were already searching the web for a suitable place for both of them.

Derek likes to watch, when the boy is typing: slim fingers type a new science article with enormous speed, sometimes it`s even impossible to trace their movements. Stiles often makes such articles and some other work for the Academy, brain-work still comes much easier for him, than physical. In fact, Stiles has been thinking of resigning from the police department, because up till now, when he tries to pull a trigger, his fingers start frantically shivering. Stiles`s been hunted by nightmares, and he hopes, that after he resigns, it will become better, but Derek comforts and discourages him from it. As it turns out, Derek is very good at _discouraging_.

Stiles`s hands are everywhere, they are hot and sticky. Every touch and movement burns with painful pleasure and… realization. Derek doesn`t understand, how have they end up like this. God, this is Stiles – Derek remembers him as a cheeky toddler, crawling around him. And, God, this is Stiles – so beautiful, with blushed cheeks, shining eyes, known to the last detail, so dear. Perfect.

Derek feels comfortable, when they watch movies night after night with their hands tight together. Derek feels cozy, when Stiles rubs man`s hair with his long fingers and kisses him slowly, almost teasing. Derek feels freaking awesome, when they use every horizontal surface in their apartment for some other purposes than originally intended. Derek thinks (while actually he knows), that this all is as it should be.

Derek doesn`t remember, when else he felt so calm and even… fine? Except perhaps before the fire.

* * *

The dark blue lines of veins rise from the wrists up to the elbows, becoming lighter and invisible, just like dozens of birthmarks, which cover the pale hands. Paler than usual. Stiles`s lifeline is extremely short, Derek notices it only now. Stilinski hasn`t become "a big boy", he never had a chance.

On the funerals Derek keeps hearing repeated voice of Stilinski, shouting again and again: «Code 187*. Send reinforcement. Code 187. Immediately. I need reinforcement». Like a broken record. A picture of Stiles, laying on a wet road still stays in front of Derek`s eyes. He remembers, how the boy was holding up as hard as he could, squeezing his hand, how Stiles`s fingers became weaker along with his breath, and how one moment it stopped.

God. It was all his fault. He had to let Stiles resign, but Hale was stubborn… Derek discouraged Stilinski from making reckless actions, he was trying to pay back the good and support he had got from the boy before. He thought he was helping, but in deed he foredoomed Stiles to his death because of his ignorance and selfishness. Idiot.

Derek`s hands are big and rough, cover with small flaws – a glock fits in them perfectly. Hale can still see those small palms, trying to catch his nose. Those palm, which used to cause so much trouble and be a disaster. Those hands, which used to comfort and encourage in hard times. Those hands, which used to be close and always beside him. This boy, who he has failed to protect.

«Never had a chance», - Derek whispers for the numberless time and grins sadly as he puts a patron in a magazine.

Stiles`s hands are small, but grasping – by the heart straightway. Too bad, Derek Hale realizes it only, when it`s too late to live.

Shot.

* * *

* Code 187 – murder, California


End file.
